Doreen - II
My duality, it's karmic. Everything about me is dualistic. Not bipolar or anything like that, alternating between manic and depressive moods. Not chronically. An astrologer read my horoscope. She's a friend of a friend. He invited her to a party and I felt obliged to show interest. I loved her schtick, very entertaining. Gave her fifty bucks to do my chart. Sun in Gemini, moon in Aquarius, Cancer rising. Didn't believe a word of it. She looked like she needed the money. Maybe that was part of her act. I don't know.
I immediately found myself using the astrological interpretation over the scientific to understand my duality; and I worried about where it could be leading me. Was this my Dionysian nature asserting itself? Shifting the balance with its Apollonian counterpart? Was I becoming more emotional, passionate and irrational as a result? Did that explain why I dropped out of college in the middle of the semester to take a job digging ditches?
One day after work, laboring on a road construction crew in a neighborhood adjacent to the university, I stopped by the campus coffee shop before going home, hoping to cross paths with Doreen. I had mixed feelings about doing that but it was on my way. I had been sweating heavily under a hot sun all day and, with tee shirt no longer white, Levis and work boots stained from sand, cement, and dirt, to go along with my well tanned muscular arms, neck, and face, I knew I would stand out among the coffee shop patrons.
When I saw Doreen alone in the back, I nearly panicked and backed out the door. Momentum carried me to her table and I said hello. She turned her head, looked at my crotch, my arms, and then my face before giving me a sweet smile of recognition. I asked if I could join her. The look she gave me said: Do you really need to ask? I searched my mind for something to say, yet nothing seemed important enough to interrupt the silent bond developing between us through eye contact.
I felt a distinct impression she was telepathic. As that thought crossed my mind, she smiled broadly and returned my quizzical stare. It caught me off guard, wasn't what I expected. I thought we would talk about art, music, and philosophy. I would show her how intelligent I was, that I could still read, listen to music, and appreciate art even though I had dropped out of school to work full time. Yet it may have been better for me that we didn't talk. Many of her friends were professors and grad students. What could I tell her about art, music, or philosophy?
A woman came to sit at the table and then an older man. Doreen gave them both the same silent treatment through eye contact. The man started talking to the woman like I wasn't there, something about art. When he noticed her staring at my arms, he turned to me indignantly as though I were intruding on him. Before he could say anything, another man walked up and addressed him directly. He held me in his gaze for an instant longer then he stood and departed with the new arrival. Doreen looked at me with an amused expression on her face as the woman moved closer and asked if I would model in the nude for her evening painting class, mostly women. I got a hard on just thinking about it and I told her I had never modeled before but I'd be willing to give it a try.
|
5
favs |
1495 views
23 comments |
611 words
All rights reserved. |
Author's Note
the things I remember!
Entertaining. Like the lines, "She looked like she needed the money. Maybe that was part of her act. I don't know."
The ending is well done, too.
Thanks, Matthew, for reading and commenting. It needs more graphic details, like a description of Doreen.
J, maybe you should do this in third person. "He" would probably work better than "I" in this one. I liked the fact that Doreen looked at crotch, arms, and only then, his face. A woman once told me that when she meets someone new, she always likes to check and see how his pants fit. I'm sure not all women do this, but it's no surprise, I think, that some do.
Yes, I'd like to see Doreen; just a few details, not many. Great ending!
Thanks, James, for reading and for the suggestion about third person. It's something I intend to work on, then I won't need to copy, borrow, and steal from Picasso.
Thanks for reading, Jack. You're right, just a few details to give Doreen a little more presence. I want her to appear mysterious but not phantom-like.
You're on to something here. I agree with James, perhaps third person would work even better, help isolate those fraught moments. Aside to James: I think men like to think all women check out the pant fit first! And I agree with Jack, a few more physical details about Doreen.
I so like the narrator - smart, self-aware, aware of what he thinks he cannot bring, and yet, yet, Doreen ... has he seen her before, does he think of her, from a class they may have shared, before he left school to dig ditches? I like your use of the psychic, and of another woman's interest in him -- focusing on his physicality, wanting him to pose nude. Now that might grab any woman's attention!
Thanks, Cherise, for reading and commenting. Yes, it needs more descriptive narrative and third person would probably offer more opportunity to do that. I'll keep working on it.
I think I prefer first person, myself. I am liking these Doreen pieces. I hope there's more coming.
J, great piece!
How a man fills out the back of his jeans is what I look at, or better still lycro wearing cyclists bottoms mm...
Enjoyed this - kept me reading
Fav.
Thanks, Jerry, for reading. I truely appreciate your comments. I have momentum going in first person (as you also do in most of your work I've read) and I'll stay with it for now while attempting add more descriptive narrative.
Thanks, Myra. I'm sure Doreen would be right with you on that. I appreciate you reading, commenting, and faving.
The narrator is certainly in an ambiguous, compromised position as a drop-out, one I understand. Makes for a good source of dramatic tension as you develop this. Will keep reading.
Doreen, Doreen. She has me curious. Great characters and love the fact that you used schtick! Will there be more of Doreen in the future?
Thanks again, Con, for reading and continuing to read. Your comments are certainly helpful and appreciated.
Michael, thanks for reading. I love your comments. Yes, there will be more Doreen. I hope you will continue to read.
love the close details here, glad to see that there will be more Doreen!
Thanks, Julie, for reading and showing interest. I'm attempting to improve on my descriptive detailing and your comment in encouraging.
I'd say he has Venus rising in his chart somewhere. Entertaining story. The end made me chuckle. I can picture the differences in social classes.
Thanks for reading, Veronica. He has Venus in his rising sign, Cancer, yes. I'm glad you liked it. The difference in social class between he and the older man is a significant part of the story, also, yes.
"Gave her fifty bucks to do my chart. Sun in Gemini, moon in Aquarius, Cancer rising. Didn't believe a word of it. She looked like she needed the money." I love this part. The rest--it makes me feel warm. *
Hi, Beate. Thanks for finding this and reading. I'm glad you like it. I went back over the same situation in 'Teacher,' with a different approach.
I am really enjoying the Doreen pieces I've read so far, though I think I'm reading them in backwards order. I like that you touched on social class without explicitly announcing it.