The Captive
by sara t.
He opens his eyes, the remnants of a dream lingering in his body,a juicy peach, the sun, a girls shining hair and then he sees the beginning of the new day through the closed shutters, hears the guard washing up at the sink, feels the beginning of a cry in his throat. Every day the same. Every day for the last four years he wakes up from this dream to his reality, a captive in a war between nations,cousins,each determined to not back down,not give in,not lose hope and he the price to pay for future sons and daughters. Every other week, he never knows which day exactly, they shuffle him out in the dead of night ,scarf around his head ,to change his location, lessening the chances of a rescue. Every three weeks the changing of the guard, so no bond is formed. He never knows where he is, the shutters are always shut. Sometimes he hears the call to prayer far away, sometimes closer. Sometimes he hears children playing football nearby. Every day, the shutters, the white walls, the pita bread and humous,sometimes chicken, sometimes yogurt and if he is lucky, sometimes a cigarette. Every day this, for four years and counting. And every day he wakes up from the same dream, a juicy peach, the sun, a girls shining hair.
|
3
favs |
1559 views
12 comments |
229 words
All rights reserved. |
Author's Note
dedicated to G.S.
Enjoyed this, Sara. Especially like the form - and how the piece ends as it begins.
Thanx, Sam, I had a few ideas for this piece, this is my first attempt. Not sure im too happy with it. Except for the beginning and end as you mentioned. Thanx for the comment!
The circular nature of the piece works well for the theme--how he can't go anywhere, just comes around to the same spot again. I almost think you could extend this, but I enjoyed the writing nonetheless.
Thanx Jon, indeed "circular" is what it is and indicates his captivity,very perceptive. Thanx for the comment.
A nice flow and control, a voice I trust while continuing to read, which I feel I'd like to more of with this. The conflict is situationally clear but I wonder if there's ways in which small battles could be shown in this overall war of captivity? That may not make sense, but I'm saying small details already presented like the rare cigarette, the changing of the guard so as not to form a bond...some of these dropped into details could be a nice place to insert more about this character's dire situation and the struggle to take on small losses or victories, perhaps all this captive really has left to exert his will upon.
Thanx Sheldon, youre right about this. I think i could probably have written more about his struggles....I appreciate your comments and i may change this in the future.
This story goes beyond telling and enacts captivity through its repetition (like the repetition of his days) and the distance of things that, like his dream, speak of human connection. Very well done!
Thanx for the read and your perceptive comments Stephanie!
So much here. The longing the torture the inhumanity the silence imposed the dream of freedom given in the images of the peach the sun a girl's shining hair.They can't capture your imagination or your knowledge that freedom is the right of all living creatures. Sad and carefully plotted. Nice job.
thanx for the read and the comments Darryl, I appreciate it. I started this piece with only the images as a symbol of what we take for granted but the captive longs for and it took off from there. and youre right there are some things in us that will always be free.
Sara, what a wonderful piece. Everybody else has already said so much of what I felt. And the amazing dream that is sustaining the captive.
Thanx Beate, appreciate the read and the comment!