Just Here
I moved out as green leaves darkened on the twisted trees. She slept in her pajamas on the sofa. I placed the keys on the kitchen counter and pulled the door closed. The snows have not come but left behind are the sounds of summer in my old neighborhood. No children's laughter splashes from an open hydrant; no small bark from a frightened dog. No purple woods appear beyond the railroad tracks at my new house. No girls tanned and wet from the reservoir walk by my front door or wave as I sit alone on the stoop. Only the leaves, dropping. And everything that was just here again was gone.
A succession of subtractions, beautifully modulated down to the quietly devastating conclusion.
david--
sometimes at fictionaut the comments are better than the story--
"a succession of subtractions"
well, yes
i thank you
g
Love it, Gary. It is lean and heartbreaking without a drop of sentimentality. This is how it's done. *
andrew--thank you very much
gary
Nice piece, Gary. Especially like the dark tone: "The snows have not come but left behind are the sounds of summer in my old neighborhood."
thankee, sam r
"No children's laughter splashes from an open hydrant; no small bark from a frightened dog." Great line, Gary. Good piece.
fav*
oh, thank you so much, myra--
gp
Good use of the negative space. I love it. *
thank you, jen!
I remember you mentioning parts of this on Twitter. Thanks for sharing it with us again.
Beautifully done!
*
Good piece. That last sentence could use a bit more dynamite.
"No children's laughter splashes from an open hydrant; no small bark from a frightened dog. No purple woods appeared beyond the railroad tracks at my new house. No girls tanned and wet from the reservoir walk by my front door or wave as I sit alone on the stoop."
Present tense, past tense, present tense--dizzying! Changing "appeared" to "appear" will improve the reading.
Gary, good short piece. There is something about the changing weather that inspires us to write it seems.
thanks, bill-v helpful. and yes, on appeared....
sara,
thanks so much!
Sweet little piece, Gary.
Despite all the "no's," this is gentle, generous, and peaceful. Well done. *
james & beate,
thank you so much
gary