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The beginning of the end


by Poppy Days


My hands are freezing and I can't reach the phone. My body shakes and I can't feel my feet. If only I had strength to stretch my arm I could call for help. 

The truth is: perhaps I'm not making enough effort. I relax my muscles and look at the ceiling. Damn, why did I not change the bloody light bulb? It's too late for that now. 

I think about Carrie and how she was beautiful in our wedding day. She cried when we got home that evening. She said she had married the most wonderful man on earth. I never believed that. I cannot possibly be the most wonderful man on earth. But, maybe I was...Maybe I was to her. I want to believe that. It gives me some comfort to know that somebody, one day felt that way for me. It makes me feel warm inside to know that she felt that way. My Carrie. My love. God! I miss her so much! Why did she leave me?

I tilt my head to the left and I see the legs of the chairs and kitchen table. There's some dust and bread crumbs on the floor. I don't care about my house anymore. It's only me here, now. Nobody comes here, there's no point in making it comfortable. 

I'm cold again... I try to think about Carrie to make me feel warm but it's not working. The sun is shining through the window and I can see it on the floor. Maybe in fifteen minutes the sun light will touch my feet and warm me up. But, will the light go left or right? I try to think about which side of the house I am. Where is the sun rising and setting? I don't know anymore. I feel confused. 

I can't think and I don't want to. I close my eyes and I feel sadness. I'm alone and nobody will come, unless I call someone. 

It's alright. I will see her again. I can feel it coming. Slowly I feel numbness in my body and I just want to let it go. Take me away, yes, take my body. It's of no use for me. 

I feel nothing now and I see Carrie's face. I know my eyes are shut and I'm on the kitchen floor but I see her and I'm not confused. My feet are warm now. Was it the sun? It doesn't matter anymore. I'm not here.
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