MARS
Charlie says, “I don't know, Denise, you know- I mean, you know- I don't know.” He shrugs. “Basically, it's just, I don't know. You know- I mean it.”
“Hey, Charlie-” she says.
“I know,” he says and sighs.
“I know. You're inarticulate,” says Denise.
“Melancholy or something like.”
“Um-hm.”
“Because before- Whew! Remember-”
“I know, Charlie,” she says, in accord, in sympathy.
“Before! I was like, Wha-ha-ha!”
“That was before though, Charlie.”
“Whereas now, I don't know. With all the stuff and everything—“
They are in the kitchen, Denise seated in the breakfast nook, Charlie propped aslant the counter. Wind driven snow spumes off the ridge of the housetop across the gray street. The frozen yards blow snow and the tree branches are glazed with ice. In the kitchen the light is blond from the knotty pine paneling.
Charlie says, “You know-”
“You mean on Evening Street-”
“There and even on whatwasitcalled.”
Denise nods sadly, acknowledgingly. “Times gone by, you know- I'll remember Evening Street and the den and coconut drinks.”
He says, “Right.”
“I'll remember not just Evening Street—“
”Right.”
“But whateveritwas street with that tree.”
Charlie laughs and says, “I always forget we were there first. Morning Street.”
“It had to be a hundred years old.”
Charlie says, “Yes yes yes yes yes, I think they said a hundred and ten. If I remember. Basically, a banyan tree.“
”Old tree basically anyway, um-hm,” Denise says. “And there was so much rum. What were we, pirates- Bacardi- That little bat- And looking at that tree- Hungover- With this centuries old Banyan tree-”
“I know. That was when that girl called.”
“Rockets-”
“Yeah. She's like, ‘Charlie, this country has the best rockets!'”
“I know.” Denise laughs musically. The quality of the music is warm and sonorous, not croaky or hoarse, not dark or charred, not trilling nor operatic. A genuine laugh.
“Coffee-”
She says no. No more.
Charlie pours coffee from an enameled red percolator into a white cup and the coffee is black. A colossal dragonfly, a canted helicopter, drifts left to right across the window view over the yard, making loud chugging noises, churning up snow dervishes. The aircraft is white against the dark sky and has a blood red cross painted on its side.
“Hospital,” Charlie says. “Medivac.”
The house is in a neighborhood of like houses. Ranch styles. Big trees. Two car garages. The area has been suffering a vicious winter.
“Maria-what-was-her-name- She's, like, Oh, Charlie...well, you remember.'”
“You told me, “ Denise says. Her laugh is musical and she is a stunner. She is a beautiful forty-seven year-old woman with the figure of a teenager—it is freakish how she has stayed so youthful in her form and figure—but she clouds over often and has a lightning strike temper.
“She was basically telling me about our rockets in the USA and saying like, we pretty much have the best rockets. Like she was talking about plums or what has the best cookies. She'd been working for the Defense Department.”
“Don't go into her leather jeans. I mean, if I have to hear. I'm warning you. Big deal! I got news for you. Men are stupid.”
Denise looks angry.
He says, “I wasn't. Who said jeans-”
“Anybody can buy red leather jeans.”
“I never said.” His voice goes falsetto on the word “never.”
“Oh, you're so impressed by that. Give me a break.” Denise looks at the back of her hand. “So what- Maria Pizzatory.”
Charlie looks stunned as he does whenever the course of their talk veers from lovely shared things to ugly things; from reminiscence to attack. He looks shaken by injustice.
“A,” he says, “It was Maria Pascatori not pizzeria as you well know and I'm not saying, B, that I didn't say once upon a time about the jeans. At one time. But not now. This was about the rockets.“
”I'm so sick of her fat backside.”
“Plus this was how long ago- One hundred ten years- ”
He blows on his coffee. There are thin blinds over the sink and the morning sun is sliced into stripes. Stripes pour over the edge of the counter and make parallel blades of light on the doors under the sink. On the counter is a bag of butter lettuce and a Bermuda onion.
“C,” he says, “this was in the morning of our own marriage, so to speak—“
”Our own marriage- Our own- As opposed to yours with Bloofus-Doofus-”
“Be literal! Christ on the throne! I was trying to address the subject of Evening Street.”
“Our own marriage.”
“You brought up the red leather jeans. I was just basically dwelling on Evening Street. And that occasioned mention of the Banyan tree.“
”You know what, I don't care!”
“When she said that about our American missile defense system, you know- On the phone- With this hangover I was looking out at the branches of the banyan tree. I was looking at the tree and that's why.”
“I'm sick.”
“Well, I'm also sick.”
“I'm sick of you.”
“You think you're the one whose sick of the other one!”
Denise in her white shirt and black jeans, sighs. “This can't go on,” says Denise. “Abjection, failure, humiliation, losing, embarrassment, debt.”
“Say the word, and bye-bye baby,” says Charlie.
His coffee cup is a heavy white mug. Denise's coffee cup, empty, and her saucer are so thin as to be translucent and from a China pattern registered by brides-to-be, called the Devonshire Platinum. But Denise had wanted, and bought from the Saks 5th Avenue department store at the Deerfield Mall, only a bone China cup and saucer, just one of each, white with platinum trim. Her purchase caused a stir. One woman who sold wedding things had said, loudly, “Wait. She wants just the Devonshire cup and saucer- Just one of each-” She had said this loudly and as if Denise were an insane woman to want a coffee cup and saucer and not gravy boats and salad and soup bowls and place settings for sixteen or something.
Denise had reported all back to Charlie. This silly wedding planner woman had made Denise furious. For days. She fumed. After a week of stewing and insomnia, Denise had returned to the store and asked to speak to the manager.
Charlie had said, “What did you say to him-”
“Her. I said to her, I was a bride once too.”
Charlie had started to say something but stopped himself.
Charlie and Denise had married at the Anne Arundel City Hall, in a room with linoleum floors and florescent strip lighting. They stood on a scrap of Astro Turf grass under a plastic trellis wound with plastic flowers with a city employee for a witness. But when the marrying official had read off the generic vows Charlie heard Denise swallow hard as if moved.
After all that, the Devonshire coffee cup, beautifully made, translucent, wafer thin, didn't keep Denise's coffee hot for longer than a two minutes. She seldom used it.
Denise says, “You've got—what is that-”
“Where-”
“There!” She points, stabbing her finger. “Crumbs. Or something. Slob. Lower. Lower. Left. There.”
Charlie is going off to work.
“All right,” Denise says. “We 've gotta—“
Big pause. Stove clock clucks, ticking.
“We've gotta cut some of this tomato. It's organic. It'd be a shame. This is like day three.”
Charlie sips coffee and says, “Did you see in the paper-”
“I've asked you not to tell me anything.”
“No, I wasn't gonna tell you.”
“Yes you were.”
“You don't even know what!”
“But keep it to yourself. I like the paper to read for myself. I'm grown up.”
“This wasn't a thing you would read or I would ruin.”
“Give me a sip please. Is it hot-”
“This was a picture. Of Mars. That's all I was asking.”
She takes his mug in both hands. By sharing his coffee, Charlie knows that he has earned the right to pursue the interrogation, painful as Denise seems to find it, about whether or not she has seen the photograph taken sixty three million miles away.
+++
See, I'm sayin'this is what we talk about when we talk about the stories of James Robison. The dialogue: pitch perfect. The sudden, jabbing sorrow, the change of plane, the spacing, like rest stops on the score of a music inside the head, the exquisite slice of two lives glancing off each other as if from a passing rocket, the reminder that sex is spelled with ex. The pity! Smote me.
Charlie looks stunned as he does whenever the course of their talk veers from lovely shared things to ugly things; from reminiscence to attack. He looks shaken by injustice.
That is a jab/right cross. Great story and welcome!
Hi James, great story, I'm tagging it as a favorite. Coconut drinks, eh?
stellar. and that's just the first reading. i'm already planning to come back to read this again.
I love this very very very very much. Thank you for writing this, James Robison. It renews my hope in the short story, and in dialogue.
Love that spuming snow, that canted helicopter, and Maria Pascatori though I gotta admit I thought Pescatori. And the jeans, of course, and the cup and the saucer.
“There!” She points, stabbing her finger. “Crumbs. Or something. Slob. Lower. Lower. Left.
I'm hoping my wife secretly reads Fictionaut and/or your work outside of it because she uttered this exact line today (and she stabbed her finger in my face).
Love this. You catch the incompleteness of dialogue so well--and the way people finish each other's thoughts. Love. Love. Love this. Thanks for sharing.
This made me want to quit. Who am I to call myself a writer?
I love the way Jim does little revelations in dialogue—accretion of detail, and then the little detail that creeps in. "Anybody can buy red leather jeans." And then the red motif that runs throughout. Sweet.
And then the multivalent lines like, "I was trying to address the subject of Evening Street."
love the vivid details, the layers in this- the 2 chins cups bought as if it is a crime- yet speaks volumes about their lives x
I love this. Stellar dialogue. The writing is gorgeous but unassuming... I'm ten kinds of jealous. Can't wait to read more. Fave!
Brilliant. A lesson in dialogue to which I will return to study and enjoy. I love the negotiation of words and intent -- "our own marriage", Maria, the newspaper. The detail and description are so subtle and interwoven. Can't wait to see more of your work.
I really dug into the reality of this. Esp. that tidbit of her stewing over the wedding planner for days and following through by that dust-settling statement and encounter - "I was a bride once too"
I really like the contrast between the vagueness and hesitations (fractures) in the dialogue and the seemless elegance of the smooth narration, which has a much higher diction. :) Nice story! Thanks for the read. All best and warmest, H
Reading "swallow hard as if moved" made do the same thing inside your story. That he noticed. But he notices everything. And she belittles the red jean woman's name. Like that could make Charlie like the red jean woman less. And how perfect the butter lettuce and Bermuda (triangle) onion. This is all so true, a marriage overheard. The turtle that is marriage flipped on its back. Equal time, even told from his POV. I could read it twenty more times and not know all of its secrets and hiding places. This right here is what Rick Barthelme used to call staying three steps ahead of the reader, and how.
I'm amazed. I'd like some of those coconut drinks, please, and to write like this. I'm studying this dialogue, and trouble. I love the cup in the end, and Charlie's idea of right. Very moving story, excellent, I love it!
Wow. I read this story over and over, just trying to soak in it. It's terrific, thank you. I love the dialogue, not just for what they are saying, but for what they're not saying. The writing andtension throughout left me gasping, and yet all is beautifully paced.
Some of my favorite moments:
"Charlie looks stunned as he does whenever the course of their talk veers from lovely shared things to ugly things; from reminiscence to attack. He looks shaken by injustice."
"There are thin blinds over the sink and the morning sun is sliced into stripes. Stripes pour over the edge of the counter and make parallel blades of light on the doors under the sink."
"But when the marrying official had read off the generic vows Charlie heard Denise swallow hard as if moved."
Bravo.
Very nicely done! Has many surprising, and very human, moments.
oh wow, that ending! you know married.
Gosh, so this is how a person writes dialogue, eh? So clever and concise and razor-sharp. I'm cut and bleeding here. This is right smack dead center of a relationship. This bit made me laugh out loud: “You think you're the one whose sick of the other one!” It's all just brilliant.
This is smashing! Just what I needed. Great story.
At second glance, but not at third, I thought you had line-centered the text. Charles Bernstein does that in writing criticism at his weblog. You had not done that, but it set in motion the thought of doing that --. I agree with commenters here that the dialogue is splendid and creates the story. Weird little echoes -- Devonshire -- correspond in a day reading. Mood storms in this piece are very deft.
This should be in one of those books about how to write stories, under the section "Dialogue." Really nice.
Start to finish--winner!
I quite enjoyed that.
I'm reminded of several conversations with my own Charlie.
Yes, I feel I've got to know these people. Real conflicts, real hesitations. "There will be time, there will be time for a hundred visions and revisions before the taking of a toast and tea."
I didn't want to read it, but then I did. Loved how you used setting in this, and there were lines I particularly liked. It drew me in.
Is this published somewhere? Can I use it with my fiction class on dialogue, James?
Can see why this has been multi-faved, James. You hit the sadder side of marriage on the head. The last paragraph was dead-on. You capture the two different perspectives well - I actually saw both characters' stories in this short 1st person piece. And loved the setting details.
Great dialogue. Great humanity. What tension throughout the story!
how have i missed this one? wow. will be back for rereads.... awesome last line... no time to read thru all the comments so maybe this has been said, but i love how his articulations shift under pressure..
Oh this is fantastic! I could hear this dialogue and see these people and what an enjoyable read and deft writing. I must have been away when you posted this story, but glad to have seen Scott's comment or would have missed it...
Really beautiful writing!
tight and the dialogues flow flawlessly one could hear even the unspoken parts
When I ask people to read things of mine they often ask how I want them to comment and I say, just tell me what you feel while you're reading it. Which hard for most people. So I will try to do that.
I loved, relished, hearing the dialogue, like I love Beckett’s dialogue.
It speaks to a mood I know well.
I was bored with the precise physical detail, Butter lettuce; who cares, why does it matter?
The ending let me down.
Okay, here's what happened to me while reading this story, and it only happened right there at the beginning. After that I was a happy captive.
I see all this dialogue at first glance and I also spy the sizable paragraph that immediately follows and I start worrying about that sizable paragraph before I ever start reading because when there is a lot of dialogue and tend to want to stay with it.
Not the case with this story.
That paragraph that the corner of my eye so dreaded is my favorite part of this story.
"They are in the kitchen, Denise seated in the breakfast nook, Charlie propped aslant the counter. Wind driven snow spumes off the ridge of the housetop across the gray street. The frozen yards blow snow and the tree branches are glazed with ice. In the kitchen the light is blond from the knotty pine paneling."
Honestly, I've not been so transported by a section of prose in so long I couldn't say.
This story lived up to my expectations, and they were higher than a cat's back, let me tell you.
This is terrific.
Wow. Great stuff. Thanks for sharing it.
"whenever the course of their talk veers from lovely shared things to ugly things...." James, you stopped me dead in my tracks with that one.