Monkey Love
by Ben White
to: jennifer#####@hotmail.com
from: david.####.#####@gmail.com
date: Sat, Sep 27, 2009 at 12:36 AM
subject: Fwd: OMG THIS IS SOOO CUTE
Hi Jen.
You need to see this video I got from my cousin. I click the link from the email, just like I always do, and I'm confronted with the cutest thing I've seen in my life. Picture this: there's an orangutan riding an elephant that spots a hound dog. I know, right? Suddenly, the orangutan leaps off the elephant and wraps the dog up in this huge hug. When the keepers try to leave the dog behind, it follows them home. It tracks the orangutan so that they can be together, and when reunited, they happily roll around on the grass together. The humans kick the dog out. It somehow comes back. I've never seen two things more in love, such determination to make things work despite the circumstances. Hell, the whole different species thing you'd think would be a barrier. The orangutan feeds the dog half of its food and never seems to get tired of whatever the dog is bringing to the table. And it got me thinking. If this orangutan could see this dog from twenty feet away and feel such affection, if this orangutan, a fucking monkey, could treat that dog so well, then does it really seem like I was asking for that much?
David
from: david.####.#####@gmail.com
date: Sat, Sep 27, 2009 at 12:36 AM
subject: Fwd: OMG THIS IS SOOO CUTE
Hi Jen.
You need to see this video I got from my cousin. I click the link from the email, just like I always do, and I'm confronted with the cutest thing I've seen in my life. Picture this: there's an orangutan riding an elephant that spots a hound dog. I know, right? Suddenly, the orangutan leaps off the elephant and wraps the dog up in this huge hug. When the keepers try to leave the dog behind, it follows them home. It tracks the orangutan so that they can be together, and when reunited, they happily roll around on the grass together. The humans kick the dog out. It somehow comes back. I've never seen two things more in love, such determination to make things work despite the circumstances. Hell, the whole different species thing you'd think would be a barrier. The orangutan feeds the dog half of its food and never seems to get tired of whatever the dog is bringing to the table. And it got me thinking. If this orangutan could see this dog from twenty feet away and feel such affection, if this orangutan, a fucking monkey, could treat that dog so well, then does it really seem like I was asking for that much?
David
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Author's Note
I've been thinking a lot about the stories that exist in the background of daily conversation, of emails and craigslist, twitter and facebook and and and.
This appeared in the December 2009 issue of PANK online.
Other stories by Ben White
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Omg! Nice twisty thing at the end. Funny.
Love the end! So funny/sad, unexpected but not forced. Nice. There are just a few places in the description of the video that might be tightened up (i.e. "It goes on."
Thanks for the comments Cami and Jeanne!
I think you're right about the tightening. When I write something like this it feels like 75% a voice piece, and I tend to write a bit looser than maybe is necessary to capture the casualness of email or craigslist. And then I make myself sad thinking about fictional emails maybe not feeling 'story' enough.
Ben - I do like the voice and I think it is "story" enough. Just think there might be a slightly better balance between the lead up and the revelation. Don't be sad.
Oh! And reading your story encouraged me to post my own monkey story.
Haha, no I agree! The glut and the self-doubt are merely part of my process :)
That's great. Glad to hear it.
I like the setup and the payoff but I wonder if there's really anything new here. Ya know?
Yeah, not really.
Smarter piece than it first appears. Subverts the whole "Where are you?" cell phone call idea. And then to have the texter/emailer describe the experience to someone, as opposed to them seeing it. Very DeLillo. The experience through layers, layers, as un-real/real.
There is something here. A book of these would be pleasantly numbing, just like email.
See Tao Lin for my thesis.
Ha! I like this. I agree about maybe tightening the beginning a little.
There's this blog Jezebel that occasionally does this series called, "Crap Emails from a Dude" and this could totally be one of them!! :-)
I like this a lot.
Have you thought about cutting the to/from addresses & names? I bet it would work just as well -- maybe even better -- as a short-short without them.
Sean -- YES, thank you. Tao Lin (and his love of gchat) is noted.
Tara -- thanks. That's funny about Jezebel (great series name). I've read some great emails (real/fake who knows) out there.
Elizabeth -- thanks muchly. I have been thinking about that. You might be right. Part of me says it's important to keep the format/feel of email or craiglist etc, but I take the point.
I love this one. So funny - what a great ending!
Thank you kindly Marcelle.
Ben, this is good. I'd recommend cutting "I've never seen two things more in love, such determination to make things work despite the circumstances, the difficulties." All that, to me, is apparent from the very set up of a dog-orangutan. Saying it explicitly took a bit away of the power.
Maybe change this sentence to: "The orangutan GIVES ((feeds)) the dog half ITS ((of the)) food ((it gets from its human hosts)) and never ((seems to get)) GROWS tired of whatever the dog ((is)) bringS ((ing)) to the table.
Good ending for sure.
Sad and yet funny. Such a clever piece, Ben. I love the format and the ending blows me away.
I do enjoy a voice piece, as you called this, Ben. It's also high on concept, which I dig just as much. I agree with Elizabeth insomuch as I think there needs to be something done to the email intro. I don't think cutting it would work. It would take too much away from the core idea. Maybe there are some structural approaches you could take. You know what? Just went back and looked at it and I think it's probably about gotta stay as is if it stays. So, okay.
The ending was a stinger. Liked it hugely.
"I've never seen two things more in love, such determination to make things work despite the circumstances, the difficulties."
I like the above line, but that's just me. I wasn't invested fully into the story until it; I'd leave it there.
Plenty story enough, too.
100% agreed—to me, that's the line that changes the tone of this story, the moment where he stops the simple description and begins making his real commentary.
am really intrigued by this idea of creating story out of twitter, craigslist, . . . it is fresh. and i enjoyed reading your work.
Love the punch at the end so much I had to read it several times. I like being punched.
Thanks Lisa and Robb for your very different but equally wonderful comments.