No title
by FMLe
death left us without our identities
he took mine and yours, making me forget
who i loved and what we took
when you started to glow i took my leave
imagining the darker grey of the hurricane
doing a war dance just under the sky
of the skull it shared with your mind
i had seen you naked in bed before
but never with lumps like toads in your legs
i stood lost in the smoke seconds after
your soul exploded like a confetti filled balloon,
leaving my heart coated in bright ashes
my hands shaking, all i could think of was the fall
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Author's Note
Meh. I don't know. Forgive the structure/lack of capitalization..posted from my phone.
Other stories by FMLe
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this poem coupled with your honesty on your site had me rush to read all of the work you posted on fictionaut--you are truly original and i am sure i will read everything i see of yours that is posted--**
death is a hard thing to write about. You did it well
Very good poem, disturbing in all the right ways.
*
I wanted to choose one line as an exemplar of how much I like your phrasing, but I couldn't decide which one was best--the entire poem is excellent.*
Powerful. The opening line sets the tone for all the rest.
Love the opening, love what follows. Visual, viceral.
Very powerful stuff!
Wowsah, taking on the heavy hitting themes, and with such an unusual, and dextrous weave. I admire your skill and poetic willingness to cull from the depths of human experience.
Fave.
My favorite part:
"when you started to glow i took my leave
imagining the darker grey of the hurricane
doing a war dance just under the sky
of the skull it shared with your mind"
I feel I can call this perfect writing. Screw capitalization and punctuation when you clearly have an otherworldly way with words.
*!
Very powerful imagery, the toads will haunt me. That first thought at seeing people in pain is one we suppress, but you bared it here.